Being Enough

It is easy to lose yourself...

It is easy to forget your dreams... 

It is easy to become blind to the path ahead... 

It is easy to sell yourself short...

It is easy to forget who you are...

...It is hard to know yourself...

It is hard to go for your dreams...

It is hard to see where you are going...

It is hard to know what you deserve...

It is hard to remember who you are...

At one point in my life, I believed every single one of those statements. For some reason, I had convinced myself that I would never be enough. I wouldn't be enough for my family, for my friends, or for anyone who romantically came into my life at any point in time. I was constantly waging a war in my head about who I was and who I wanted to become. Fighting a war with yourself is exhausting and sometimes you give in to the idea that you're not good enough... So much so that you believe that you are not enough for yourself.

T H I S  I S  A  L I E!

There once was this girl. She grew up with everything any little girl could ever desire. She had dresses, toys, jewels, friends, and a family who embraced her with love and happiness... But deep down inside, she had a secret. She believed she was worth nothing. That despite the clothes, the jewels, the money, and the abundance of people around her, she felt lonely and incomplete. She carried this seeded belief into her teenage years and then someone very close to her passed away... And, for some reason, their passing validated her feelings that she was worth nothing and everyone would eventually leave her.

Years went by and we find her in her early twenties. Two boyfriends later, and a lesser opinion of herself than ever before, but unbeknownst to her, a pilot light had lit in the depths of her soul. This small flame was tired of people thinking they could walk all over her, that others thought she wasn't good enough to not be treated with kindness and love. As the years ticked by she started to search for ways to love who she was...

To cherish her body.

To love her soul.

To adore her everything!

Then one day, all of her hard work paid off. In a matter of six months, she had discovered a way to help her mind heal from the emotional abuse she had fed it through her negative talk. Through constantly telling herself she wasn't good enough and that because of this, no one would ever stick around or want to be with her. The journey to when she finally was able to love herself in the very moment she was living in, wasn't an easy one. It took trust, it took faith in herself, and it took love.

...This girl was me. I was her. And I am just like you.

The steps I am about to take you through will seem simple. The difficulty will be in allowing yourself to let go of what you have known. To allow yourself to believe that you can get to a place where you love yourself completely. Now I am not perfect, I still have a lot to do to love myself perfectly but I know that I am on the right road. That the path I am following will lead me to a place of such deep adoration of who I am and what I want to become that nothing is going to hold me back. I am still human, I still error and falter just like you. My point is, the first step is to simply...

S T A R T   T O D A Y!

My first thought when I started on my path to loving myself was that, I needed to STOP trying to fix myself and others! And to simply try to love myself instead. As I began to start to try and love myself rather than fixing her, I started to see others the same way. I started to see them with love rather than a need to figure them out so I could see their faults and try to "fix" them.

You will never be able to help anyone else if, first, you don't help yourself.

You have to ALLOW yourself to feel first.

When we feel stuck or feel like we can't ever get close to anyone else, it is because we have put up walls around our heart. This could be for many reasons. 

Someone hurt you.

Someone is hurting you.

You don't think you're enough to allow anyone else in.

But the biggest kink in the chain of the lock that is wrapped around your being, is...

YOU KEEP HURTING YOU.

Until we stop talking negatively to ourselves and beating ourselves up for not doing something perfectly, we will not be able to reach whatever we truly desire in this life.

Perfectionism is the enemy to progress. 

Also, you have got to...

LET YOURSELF OFF THE HOOK! 🎣

We are all human. We make mistakes. We hurt people when we didn't intend to. We say things we don't mean. We allow outward things to influence what we feel on the inside. One way I have discovered and been taught how to take care of myself and lessen the amount of times the things above happen to me is through Declarations.

Declarations are a compilation of statements I have written about who I want to be or have gathered from other sources. These can be as simple or as complicated as you want. Also, if you hear a statement from another source, it is okay to write it down and use it for your own. Here is a short list of a few of the declarations I say in the morning after I wake up and in the evening before I go to sleep...

I awaken each day to my magnificence!

I live a passionate and fulfilled life!

I add value to other peoples lives!

I am a being of light who is excited to shine!

I am confident and charismatic!

The funny thing about our mind is sometimes it needs to be retrained or reprogrammed. When we are young, some experiences we go through determine how we handle things or what we believe and those decisions and beliefs, sometimes, end up following us into adulthood.

Another thing I started doing is in the mornings before I do anything else, I have a routine I do that helps me take care of me. (1) First and foremost, I make my bed. I have a system where I start in bed to tuck in one side, then I crawl out and make it all nice and neat. I've come to find that when my bed is made, my mind is clear and fluid. I'm also able to interact with my surroundings better. I find myself being responsive to whatever happens rather than reactive.

(2) I, then, greet my higher power. Personally, I like to call Him, my Heavenly Father. 

(3) Then I listen to some form of audio that is educating. Could be something related to my religion, could be a podcast, or even an audio CD that helps me in some way or form. Whatever I want it to be that day, that's what it is.

(4) Next, I listen to a power song. This song is something that helps me feel motivated, invincible, like my day has already been conquered. Sometimes my song changes weekly, sometimes it changes monthly, sometimes I don't change it for 6 months. Sometimes it is a slower song that speaks to my heart and sometimes it is one I can get up and dance to! Whatever your preference. Your power song is YOURS! Currently, I am listening to this one...

(5) After I feel pumped up from listening to my power song, I state my declarations. Now, I don't just stand there and say them in a monotone voice. I move around. I do hand gestures to the phrases. I strike a superhero pose. Anything you can do to move while you state your declarations will help your mind begin to believe them faster, so then you will become them. Another way to upgrade this experience is to listen to some EPIC music. This EPIC song is what I ALWAYS listen to while I am stating my declarations...

(6) The last thing I do before I leave for the day or interact with any other human being is... I meditate. I know, it sounds kind of odd. I never imagined myself to be someone who meditates but the benefits now far outweigh what I was doing before. Because before.... I WAS STUCK! And I HATED being stuck. I was stuck emotionally, physically, spiritually, and the list goes on and on. 

In February, I was taught a specific meditation where I gather light into my being and then allow myself to shine at the end for all the world to see. As I am gathering light, I thank my mouth for the kind words that she speaks throughout the day. My ears for their willingness to listen to others and to myself. My nose for allowing me to experience the joys and sometimes the discomforts that the world allows us to experience. My eyes for being able to see the beauty around me and recognize the love that it took to create such beauty. My mind for her clearness of thought, her willingness to see a problem and then immediately begin to search for a solution; for her willingness to uplift us and shower us with love. My neck for holding up my head and for carrying her all day. My shoulders for their willingness to carry the responsibilities we have the privilege to carry each day. My lungs for inhaling and exhaling. My heart for loving others unconditionally and being open to new people and experiences. My internal organs for functioning properly. My legs for carrying me throughout the day; for the squatting we do to be able to get down on the level of our beautiful students. My back for helping me stand up straight and keeping my frame strong and sound. My knees for their willingness to bend and straighten. My ankles for their support and my feet for carrying me throughout the day and being strong throughout.

As I have done this specific meditation, and as I do touching each spot in relation to my gratitude, I have felt an immense difference in how I treat and talk to my body and myself. If you would like to try this meditation, I have a song I listen to specifically as I go through it. It is incredibly important that as you do this meditation, you PROMISE yourself that you will be PRESENT in that moment. It will make it a 100x more powerful if you do. The song is The Light by Estelle Blanca. You can either find it on Spotify or just click the link below.

https://open.spotify.com/track/0djoygyoZQgdHLrHuNrvfP

Now, I know a list of 6 things to do in the morning before anything can seem daunting. My morning routine is simply an example for you. You don't have to follow it exactly as I do it. When I first started, I literally had two things on my list.

My challenge to you is to find two things that you can start doing each morning for yourself. To begin telling your mind that you love her/him and want to take care of her/him. We all deserve to be taken care of. A big issue I have seen in myself, is for too long I was looking for validation from outside sources. But, as I began to look within myself for validation and love, I began to finally feel it and believe it. You are worth more than diamonds, gold, silver, or any precious gem this world can offer. You were uniquely created and were intended to be here for a purpose. Selling yourself short is simply allowing some unknown being define who you are... When in reality, you have the power to choose for yourself what you are worth. 

NO ONE ELSE ON THIS PLANET CAN TELL YOU WHAT YOU ARE WORTH UNLESS YOU GIVE THEM THE POWER TO DO SO.

I can promise you that as you begin to apply the two things in your life I suggested, you will find yourself beginning to love yourself more. If you say declarations in the morning and at night; if you discover your healing and fulfilling morning routine, you will begin to see a difference in how you feel towards yourself!

Because, my dear friends...

💖Y O U  A R E  E N O U G H!💖

You are powerful!

You are strong!

You are magnificent!

You have it within you to decide who you become and how you become them! Start choosing today to live the life you always have wanted! Choose today to finally begin the journey to truly loving yourself! As you do so, you will find opportunities you could've only fathomed before showing up.

Life is a wonderful journey! Don't get so caught up in the details or in worrying that you forget your destination!

Much love!

Someone just like you 💗

My Nemesis: Fear

... Fear is a very real thing. Fear of what we are meant to do. Fear of change, especially when we are unsure of what that change entails. Fear of worry. Fear of heartbreak. Fear of letting someone in again, after being hurt and left behind almost every single time. Fear of seeing your dreams come to fruition... Fear of reaching your goals, which sounds insane because who doesn't want such a thing, but the reality of it is... Is far too often, we run...

There are so many things that can go wrong in this whirlwind of living. More often than I would like to admit, I am terrified and I think I have lied to myself so often that it has gotten to the point where I don't even recognize the feeling anymore. I don't even realize I'm pulling back or hiding from what I want to do. When in reality, all along it is simply f e a r. Fear of the unknown. Fear of losing myself. Fear of finding what I want and still not being satisfied.

As I have been approaching a move, I have found my old friend fear... Perhaps I shouldn't call her my old friend. I think it would be more accurate to call her my nemesis. Either way, fear has wound her way back into my heart and my subconscious... but for the first time, I think I am finally beginning to understand, my beloved nemesis fear. She just wants to be comfortable after all. She isn't trying to hold me back or make me worry. She is only doing what she thinks is best... And I realize once more, how binding she can be. How lonely she makes me feel...

When I have dreamed about my life and imagined where I would be at my current age... My reality doesn't even come close. Recently, I've tried to examine the reasons why and sadly I have come to recognize it's all my own doing because I have allowed fear to rule my life.

Those who are of my closer acquaintances would probably tell you how I've portrayed myself as a Woman of Faith and while I have tried to be such... I do not feel as such. I feel like every day is an uphill climb and one sometimes I would much rather not even give the time of day. Don't get me wrong, I have been happy. Not even two months ago, I was so deliriously happy and I felt extremely undeserving of it all. And as is life, I have fallen once more and been dished a GIANT plate of humble pie. I have felt more worthless in my job hunt than I would care to admit and I haven't felt this lonely since after my father died when I was 15.

I don't write this to gain pity or sympathy. In fact, I am not even sure if this post will ever see the light of day... But I am tired. I don't want to be seen as perfect. I am so beyond flawed that I ache at my own weakness. I ache with a stirring passion of wanting to be more but feel incapacitated by my utter fear of the unknown. Those within my religion would simple quote, "Replace your fear with faith", and I know they are right. I, also, understand that is much easier said than it is put into practice. I know with God I can do all things. I think where I get hung up is having faith in myself and my ability to follow. I am so terrified of failing and being a disappointment that I place far more responsibility on my shoulders than God and His Son would ever truly require of me. I don't place enough of it on Their shoulders to help buoy me up because They are what will make me whole and make me enough for the task.

There are days where I wish for a fix all, as unrealistic as that is. Oh how much simpler that would be! But in reality, I don't think I want a fix all. I hate struggling but I know that it makes me stronger. I know without it, I would not EVER reach what I am destined to reach. I may be terrified of what I am capable of, good and bad, but I will do my best to follow the righteous guidelines I have been given. I want so much for the aching to go away, but I know that my aching is preparing me to be able to empathize with my fellowmen.

I feel I am able to talk a big game and I come off as knowing all the answers but it is so far from the truth that I feel hypocritical admitting it. I do not have all the answers. I do not know for sure that I will be okay in the end which is entirely based on my own choices, which is (I'll admit) very intimidating. I over-analyze everything and everyone because I like to know how it all ticks. At the same time, I have spent so much time worrying about how other people tick, that I have forgotten to study myself. I'm late in the game getting there, I feel, but I am going to do my best to understand myself because I want to be better. I want to be stronger and I want to leave a mark on this world even if it is only within the heart of one person. Even if that person is myself. My body is weak but my soul is strong! She understands better than my mortal mind likes to admit or can even fathom. I feel the tugging of something great and I have never responded well to being pushed... I can be too stubborn, to the point where I sabotage myself.

I don't desire to be some great lady, in some grand house, with more money than I know what to do with. I want a simple life, where my dreams are true and honest. Where I have the love of a husband, child/children, and those that follow. My biggest and most aching dream is to be able to love someone the way they deserve to be loved and have that love in return. In my short life on this earth, I have begun to understand how special and rare such love is. I'm not talking about someone who makes me weak in the knees when he looks at me (although, that would be a bonus)... I want someone I genuinely respect and who respects me in return. I want genuine caring and a desire to watch over one another when we reach old age. I've had a wonderful example of such a love in my grandparents. I see the way my grandpa cares for my grandmother and the way he still looks at her after 60+ years of marriage. Above else, I desire someone to see me. Someone who can look into the dusty parts of my heart that I have been too afraid to venture into or allow anyone to venture and breathe life into it. Maybe it is a naive way of thinking because I know that I alone have the choice to allow someone in there. In addition, I am confident that when the right man comes along, I will be able to do such a thing because I'll know that I can trust him.

The problem that will still stand in the way of it all, is F E A R.

A question now stands before me and you...

Do we allow Fear to control our lives? Or do we push her aside and scream into the wind, " Stand aside Fear. The storm is coming!"?

I say, rather than being afraid of the storms of life, we create our own. I don't need fear and doubt anymore! I'd rather choose to accept faith, love, and hope into the corners of my dusty heart and soul because only there will I begin to thrive!

The Cleansing of Rain

All last week or the week before (I can't remember, ha) it rained which I found ironic in a sense because of what rainy days mean to me. I'd just gotten out of a relationship (as I have mentioned) and suddenly the skies were dark and overcast with rain falling down. Now to some that would mean depression and only make you miss your ex all the more... Not for me. I literally love rainy days so much! I feel calmed and more at peace when it's overcoast and the promise of rain is in the air.

During that week, it would sometimes pour, other times it was a drizzle, but there was always the scent of rain in the air. It was soothing to me, as I always seem to find rain soothing. Now you, like everyone else, are probably wondering why I love rain so much. More than not I would tell you what I would normally tell them which is simply that I love the sound of rain. The truth is much more complicated. There is so much more depth to my feelings than the simplistic answers that are given in everyday mundane conversation between acquaintances. I'm going to let you get a little under my skin with this post.

My love for rain is more than the sound of it pitter-pattering on the roof of a car or a tin roof. It's more than the way it ripples on the water's surface as it lands or the way it slowly descends on a windowpane and you find yourself following its meandering path. As your eyes follow, you find yourself reminiscing. You remember your past, the sad, the happy, the fantastic. You'll find yourself choking up over the sad memories, grinning from ear to ear from the happy ones, and almost outright laughing from the fantastic moments you recall. Once you've satisfied yourself to the past, you measure the difference from your past self to your present self. You recognize the changes not only in your appearance but in your soul, in the development of your personality. You connect the difficult times of your life to the kind of person you have become today, now, at this very moment and you feel almost grateful for the trying times. You feel grateful because you know that without them you would not have become who you are, at least not to the depth that you have currently reached and are seeking to reach in the future. This trail of thought leads you to thinking about your future, but you don't think too far ahead because it can be painful wondering what is in store. Who's waiting for you or who's not going to be around or even if you believe that you can actually become the person you are imagining. After all is said and done, you spend your time pondering and you feel a sense of self, like you have reconnected with your soul and you can take the next step forward with a clearer picture of where you want to go and who you want to be. After you have analyzed your past and present, you know that no matter what you go through in the future, you can always make it out on top because you're here now, aren't you? You've possibly already experienced your own personal Hell and have come out the other side conqueror! So, you know that you can do it again, if need be, with a different situation because you have proven to yourself and with the support of your Heavenly Father that you are strong enough.

Rainy days are my days because it gives me the perfect excuse to do all of that; to contemplate my past, my present and my future. Even with all of that immense depth (c'mon let's be real, that was pretty deep, am I right?!). Rainy days mean so much more than just a day to reminisce. Rainy days allow new beginnings. The rain washes away the dust, the mud, and even cleanses the atmosphere. The air smells before and after rainfall as sweet and refreshing as a cool glass of lemonade on a hot summer day. The rain is cleansing and purifying. It doesn’t just mean a new beginning or a fresh start for the land it washes over, it also means that I can begin anew, that through everything; every heartache, every tear, every angry moment, it can all be washed away with every raindrop that falls.

Just like the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. All of it is washed away and made new and made easier to carry when we accept His beautiful gift of redemption into our lives. Through His saving grace and His love all can be washed clean just like the Earth after rainfall. I love rainy days because it reminds me of the Savior and His atoning sacrifice He has gifted to us which is a sacrifice of love. He loved all of us SO MUCH INDIVIDUALLY that He suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane for each of us individually. He bled at every pore and cried out to the Father in anguish, went through THE most traumatic event so that we could all live with our Heavenly Father again. What a gift! What a gift of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! How powerful is love truly? The Atonement is a testament of our Savior's love for each of us and for His love of our Father in Heaven. Not only of His love for us and the Father but what a testament of his testimony of the Plan of Salvation and of the Lord's plan for each of us individually! He knew that we would need help when we came to this Earth to live a mortal existence. A mortal existence, where we could learn and grow to become more like Him and His Beloved Son. How blessed and how loved we are! Knowing that and understanding it, that is where true joy lies and that is why we push on and why we continue to progress and move forward. When we understand that all we need is His love and Him, everything will fall into place. When we truly know, and I mean KNOW who we are and our Divine Nature, it makes ALL the difference! Every moment of every day, knowing that I have a Heavenly Father and an Elder Brother who love me unconditionally and support me in my righteous endeavors that is what gives me the strength to press on and to be the best me I can be. His love is unmatchless and unfathomable. If we knew, truly knew, how much the Lord loves us, we would be overwhelmed and overcome with such pure joy, we would not know what to do with ourselves. Understanding His love and His plan and following His guidance, that is when we find true happiness and when we live His teachings on top of it... No words. There are not words to describe how we would feel because it is that unfathomable and that WONDERFUL!!!! Just like the way I feel during a rainy day, being washed clean, feeling of His love for me and knowing that through His Atonement, I can always be washed clean, just like the Earth after rain.

A rainy day is my new beginning. A rainy day is my time to remember where I am going and who I want to be. It’s my day and my time to remember and move forward with renewed strength. My day, my time to progress with the Savior and my Father in Heaven as my guides.

Be Happy! Be Strong!! Most of all, BE YOU!!! <3 xxx

Letting Someone Special Go...

Have you ever found someone special and you have fallen completely in love with them... Yet, something still wasn't sitting right. Whether or not it was them, you just feel like there is something else in store for you. It may be something better or maybe it's just not your time yet to head towards marriage.

A little background on this relationship:

We moved really fast the first week, I swear the word marriage was out our mouths within the first week. Funny thing is, is that I didn't bring it up, he did. This being my first "real" relationship, I wanted to take it slow. I wanted to date and be wooed but he wanted to race to the finish line. A finish line I wasn't even sure I wanted with him yet. But, just the talk of marriage fills your head with hopes and you begin to see yourself able to marry the person beside you. I could very easily see marriage when he was by my side... Given this was a long distance relationship, he lives about an hour and 30 minutes away. When we weren't within the same vicinity of each other, he faltered and said he wasn't ready to commit. We went through this every week for 3 weeks. The last time he did it, I didn't let him back in. I was done.

I wasn't just done because of his indecisiveness. Being an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I dream and desire a Temple marriage. Where I can be sealed for time and all eternity with the man I love; this is something I want right out of the gate. I don't want to be married civilly and then be sealed to my spouse and family for eternity. It is not how I imagine my wedding and I finally decided that I would settle for nothing less. At the point where this guy was at in his life, that's exactly what I would be doing getting married civilly and then somewhere down the road being sealed in the Temple. I came to really understand that that was not what I wanted and I honestly felt it would be better for him if I was just his friend. I could support him better that way as he got himself to a better point in his life.

I wrote this little snippet of how I was feeling one day and posted it on tumblr. I will put it here for you to read as well:

"Sometimes you find someone special and everything is perfect and it all fits. They fit. Your family loves them, they love your family, and all is happy and blissful. Except for one thing… They aren’t at a point in their life where things can move forward at a good healthy pace.

You’re then left to reason with yourself and try to decide what is best for you and for them in the scheme of things. How best to be the support they need without getting caught in the crossfire as they try and get themselves into a better place. Because you know that your feelings aren’t a toy and getting involved or staying involved would mean your feelings being played with, even if it isn’t on purpose. So you make the hardest decision of your life. You pull this amazing, fulfilling, beautiful relationship to a standstill. To where you are just two friends who love each other so much more than just friends because it is better that way. You cry. You miss them. You long to fall asleep in their arms again… But no matter how much you wish or how much you ache to be with them… You know you made the right decision. That you just being their friend is what they really need and that is the best way that you can love them is by allowing them the time they need to move forward and become who they want to be.

No matter how much it hurts and how much you miss them in every way, you have to somehow find peace in the fact that you made the right decision. That the love you still have for each other is enough because it HAS to be."

Doing that was the hardest decision of my life but I had more reasons then what has been previously listed. The Temple Marriage wasn't the only thing that made me decide to truly keep it as friends. My first post on here is from several years ago when I decided I would go on a mission. Since then, I was told to go back to school and I am happily in my third semester of attendance at Utah State University. I love it there and I am learning so much about myself and what I want to pursue career-wise in my life. It's liberating and fantastic! I'm majoring in English with my emphasis in Creative Writing and then I am minoring in American Sign Language. I L O V E SIGN LANGUAGE!!!! It's beautiful and just fantastic. Anyways, this last July, I was receiving a blessing from my step-dad and in it the Lord told me that if I still desired to serve a mission it was my choice. If I wanted to go it was my time and if I didn't that was alright, it was between He and I if I was to go or not. Since then I had been struggling with receiving a clear answer from the Lord on what I needed to do next in my life. Throughout this relationship, I had at the beginning of the year, I grew closer to my Father in Heaven once more. I was back to where I was when I received my blessing and going through the ups and downs with that guy, I received my answer. My next step was to serve a full-time LDS mission not to proceed to Marriage. Because of that answer, I was given the strength to stand up for myself and I am currently working hard towards that goal of serving a full-time 18 month mission for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and His Father.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to receive revelation from my Heavenly Father and for His unconditional love. I knew before and I know even more now that He will NEVER leave you desolate. He is always there and He is always conscious of you in every moment of your life. My favorite scripture to remind me of this is:

Moroni 8:3

"I am mindful of you always in my prayers, continually praying unto God the Father in the name of his Holy Child, Jesus, that he, through his infinite goodness and grace, will keep you through the endurance of faith on his name to the end (emphasis added)."

Through Him, I know that I can accomplish anything and reach the final destination which is to be in His presence once more with my family gathered around me. What a beautiful picture it paints! To be with your family forever under the loving hands of very loving Heavenly Parents. Without Him, I wouldn't have had the strength to do what I did. He gave me the strength I need because I was following His plan and I knew what I was doing was what the Lord desired and that made it all the easier. Do I still miss him somedays? You betcha! Even still, I know the right decision was made and now I am moving forward and becoming a better version of myself. Experiencing what I have, even though it was a short period of time, changed me and I learned much. For that I am grateful and will eternally be grateful. I finally had my first love. He will always have a special place in my heart and I am better for knowing him. Somehow, I hope he feels the same way about me. 

Don't not give up what you want in life because something good or even great comes along. Strive for the best possible option! If you feel like you deserve better then go for it! Be strong enough to love yourself enough to continue forward for what you truly want. There will always be fear that maybe there isn't anyone else better. There is someone or something better. THERE ALWAYS IS! Fighting for what you deserve is important and when you have enough faith to trust that our Heavenly Father loves you enough then you know that whatever you desire above all else, is your future. If your desire is righteous and what He knows you need, He will always help you achieve it. If it isn't what He has planned for you be humble enough to accept His will because when we follow His will that is when we find true joy.

Remember that!! God bless you all!! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy your day!! Smile because everyone needs something bright in their day and your smile may just be what someone else needs.

Be Happy!! Be Strong!! Most of all, BE YOU!!! <3 xx

Finding Someone Special...

I know it has been quite some time since I have posted. Some much has changed and so much has not. I've recently experienced my first love and boy was it a 3 weeks whirlwind. I'm going to post something I wrote on my tumblr blog, which its title is the same as this blogs url, if you happen to want to follow my meanderings on tumblr as well, ha. This I wrote maybe a week or so into our relationship, when I was knee deep in love and had no idea what I was getting myself into by letting all of my walls down. So, here it goes...

"I never thought in a million years that I would find someone who would be special to me. Where the moment we met and started to talk, all the walls fell away and I was more comfortable with him than I had ever been with anyone else. It is strange to feel like that, where you don't feel like you need to hide anything and nothing feels forced and the two of you just seem to flow with the other. You stay up until 5 in the morning talking on the phone and the only reason the conversation ends is because you both fall asleep listening to each other breathe.

When you finally get to spend time together, one-on-one, and he is so familiar and comfortable to you that you just mold into his side and it feels like the most natural thing in the entire world. And as the day goes by with the two of you together, you start to recognize some of his quirks and you begin to know how to read him better. Once that happens you can tell when he is wanting to kiss you. Starting with kissing your forehead and the back of your hand, then slowly moving onto your nose and cheeks. As you anticipate the kiss, you begin to realize how much you really do want him to kiss you and so when it finally happens, you place your hand gently on his cheek and kiss him back. Your heart doesn't exactly soar but your mind is being blown by how familiar it feels.

When you cuddle together watching a movie, it is warm and you feel safe. You cuddle into his side more and sigh while you feel his chest rise and fall as you listen to the steady beat of his heart. In those moments, you realize how much in danger you are of falling head over heels for this guy who is the one who has finally seen you for you and has looked into you and wants you for all that you are. In those moments, when you are so comfortable wit him it feels familiar and it is easy and simple, you know that you have found someone special.

It is terrifying, exciting, exhilirating, mind-blowing, and smashing all at the same time. It's a rollercoaster of pure joy and like any rollercoaster some of it can be frightening but yet you still hold on and enjoy the ride because of the person sitting next to you, going through each rise and fall with you."

So, there ya have it. Kinda sappy right? That's okay. I think we all need a little sap sometimes in our life. Read the next instalment of my 3 week whirlwind romance in the next post, ha. ENJOY!!